I wrote this a few months back after a onversation with a friend - who has recently been diagnosed as schizophrenic! So I guess I can't really take all the credit for this. They should get some too! JK!




You don't understand what it's like to be me. You think I'm crazy don't you? All of you. You all think I'm crazy. I wouldn't be stuck here if you didn't think I was a lunatic. But I'm not crazy, I'm just different. Everyone is different in his or her own special way; I'm just slightly more different than other people.

You've very clever about how you say it. You understand, everyone has to escape sometimes and everyone here is here to help you. That's just your way of telling me I'm talking bullshit and you know it. You just don't get it; you don't get how it feels. I am not schizophrenic - I really can feel everyone.

I can feel everything. Life force. I can feel couples splitting up, couples getting together. I feel new life and old life. The bright spark of a new soul being brought screaming into the world and the old, fading spark of death, I can feel it all.

It's always been there, which I guess accounts for the strange childhood I had. You already know this but I've been in and out of these places since I was three. Since I started having 'hallucinations' and 'talking to myself'. I wasn't talking to myself; I was talking to the people in my head, because they wouldn't leave me alone. I never hallucinated - my parents made that one up. I could see people inside my head, but I never mentioned it to my parents.

What about the blackout's, you ask. I don't know what happens, I'm not awake; I'm not there. That's when the more prominent people come out and I go away.

Where do I go? I have lots of places I go. The park is great - there's trees and nature and the birds sing. It's very quiet and peaceful, nobody bothers me there. I don't feel them there, the presence is gone.

I've already been over this. The presence is everybody.

Everybody in the world. Like I said, I can feel everybody's life force. I can feel people splitting up. People finding their soul mate and people breaking up with who they thought was the one for them. I can feel weddings and funeral's, births and the joy that accompanies them. I feel the sadness of the mother who's baby was just still born. I experience what they experience, I suffer with the children in the third world, I play with the children in the nurseries in England. I feel the cold chill of the homeless man and the soft summer breeze in the country garden. I know what it is to climb the highest mountain and to dive the deepest dive. I feel the spirituality of the monastic communities. But more importantly, I understand. I understand everything here. I am not alone - there is no one here who is truly happy. There are nagging doubts inside every one of us. I understand everything here, except one aspect of the world. The only part I don't get, is me.